Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Some Nights...

There are indeed times when I was still in medical school proper that I question my decision in choosing this career path. Now, I am certainly not trying to be boastful, but I am pretty darn sure, I could have been successful in any other career path I would have chosen otherwise. And it would have been an easier journey that would pale in comparison to taking up medicine.

There were ultimatums here and there, wherein if I don't pass a certain subject, or if I'm really fed up, I'd quite medicine, and choose another career that I'd equally enjoy but not stressed as the case was in medical school. But I stayed. I don't know why, or what was my driving force, but I stayed.

I couldn't count all the heart breaks, both in the love life and academic stand point, that would cripple the emotionally weak; events that tranpired that would make even the most faithful question the existence God; people that I have taken for granted, for which, if they did not know the slightest difficulty of medicine, would just leave you; and sleepless nights, that you wish you had one day off and sleep all day.

I am now a senior medical intern, just a year away from my board exams, and up to this day, I still question myself. Why medicine? Why am I caring for other people's family member, sacrificing lunch, dinner, etc; sacrificing sleep and whatnot; eliminating my would be dull social life; and not even being able to care for my own family? And yet, still be unappreciated by the patient or the patient's significant other. Why?

Because, I later realized, God put me here for a reason. If He knew this was not for me, then I should have been out even before I took up medicine 4 years ago. He gave me these challenges not because He is punishing me, but because He knows I can over come them. That was when I finally found my answer.

There will be difficult, unappreciating, patients some time in my career, but knowing that I did my part to cure them of any illnesses, even if a simple thank you would be passed up, and knowing that this is what God intended me to do in my life, then I'll gladly sacrifice sleep, food, social life, for His people.

For He has sacrificed His own Son for us... What is sleep anyways?

Oblivion and Beyond

Spent another day just downloading various mods for Oblivion, testing them if they would work on my system, and seeing if there will be conflicts with different mods activated simultaneously. I know I should have been studying today, but I guess I have felt the need to play some games these past few days just to remove whatever void I think I have. Hmmm...

Anyways, I'm supposed to give my modlist for Oblivion when I am confident I got all the mods I want and need to experience Oblivion in a fresh new perspective. After this, I might play a few quests before I start modding Skyrim as well... I want to play both games in the best way the modding community can offer.

Here is a preview of Oblivion with the mods I have installed. I will give the list here when I am done with all the installs and tests of various more mods I have yet to install.

Imperial Isle... You can also see that my FPS is 59 (maxes at 60 since I
use VSync). I got godrays and more realistic water. Complete list 
will be up soon. Stay tuned!

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Blog on the Go: I'm Toxic. No Surprise

The day started a little more busy than usual at Dept of Surgery; I normally would have a few dog/cat bite patients, and that's it, but yesterday, we had trauma patients, most need suturing; ENT patients; and many more variety of patients. I knew it would be a hectic day. How right I was.

Well, before the patient, that would ultimately become what I believe is the coup de grâce of my 24 hour tour of duty, I was lucky enough to drop by my resident's 2nd born's 1st birthday. I had a lot to eat, and enjoyed myself watching the kids participate in the many games. I was particularly at awe with the bubble show, where my bestfriend of a co-intern, wreaked a bit of mayhem by saying our oohs and aahs more than the kids in front did.

Upon returning from my short stay at the party, I was greeted by a patient that had an occupational injury that nearly severed his whole left forearm; his anterior forearm muscles were nearly all transected (only the Flexor Digitorum Superficialis, Flexor Digitorum Profondus, were noted to be transected) along with a severed median nerve and both the ulnar and radial arteries also severed. So you can imagine how bloody it was, and we had to pack so much OS and tightly wrapped the forearm with multiple elastic bandages just to control the active bleeding. The patient ultimately was admitted and sent to the OR where I was the 1st assist to Dra. Dychingco, who by the way, didn't make me feel tense at all... no difficult question and answer portions. There were a few, but not a lot that I wished I never took med in the first place.

Anyways, I have this knack of attracting direct OR patients, as this was my 3rd direct OR patient I had to assist, and in fact, I am the only one that has direct OR's in the group of interns. Go figure.

It took 5 hours, but thankfully, since it's the left forearm we are dealing with, the operation was not completely done standing up; there were a few moments where we had to sit down, so my legs were not feeling numb by the end of the operation. Plus being with the nice OR nurses and Dra. Malonzo, our kind anesthesiologist, the operation was well worth the 5 hours it took to repair the injury.

After that operation, like I said, it was the coup de grâce of my 24 hour tour of duty... thus he was the last patient I have seen, and was blessed with 3 hours of sleep. It doesn't sound much, but being able to sleep for 2-3 hours in the hospital, with my notoriety of being toxic, let alone being a in the field of medicine, is a truly a blessing.

Thank goodness, that tomorrow is a holiday so I need not enter the hospital, thus having what is another 2 day week. Such happiness.

That's it for now.


Saturday, 26 July 2014

Into Oblivion

Today, all I did, was reinstall The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, because it is one of my sentimental favorite games, and if I have to choose this or Skyrim, I'd still choose Oblivion.

I modded the game for nearly 2 hours, benchmarked and tested each mod for another 3 hours, and before I realized, I enjoyed modding and testing more than actually playing the game. Ah well, I got another two days of this coming Monday and Tuesday, so I guess I will be able to play it properly.

I am reverting back to my old geeky ways me thinks, but that's a good thing, seeing as it takes my mind off certain things lately.

'Tis a short post...

Friday, 25 July 2014

With a Little Help From My Friends

"What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone) no no..."

It is no secret that I am going through some emotional rollercoaster as of late, but I am taking it day by day, finding simple things to be  happy about and smile about. It is tough, but I am getting there. Day be day, I am getting there.

Surely, having to go through this alone is a damn near impossible feet, so having my groupmates, who are at the same time as my best friends, always giving me something to smile about, this phase in my life seems surmountable indeed.

Here's to you, my groupmates... My Bestfriends. Though you may not ever read this, because I doubt any of you guys are into Blogger or any other blogging sites, let the cyberworld know that I am blessed to have you guys.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

Blog on the Go: All Star Duty

Today's duty is shaping up to be a fun one; I am doing things I don't normally do, being assigned tasks of a different caliber than what has already been being tasked onto me, and some, doing things that I missed doing. It was a galore... It was like being an All-Star.

First off, I was asked to ambulate a patient. Something that I honestly missed doing. Having to joyride in the front seat of an ambulance, seeing traffic move aside just to give th amubulance the clearance it needs to glide thru the road, being the team leader of the ambulance, is something that is wonder to experience. And I have missed that when I was a clerk last year. Thankfully, the patient was just travelling from the hospital I am affiliated with, AUFMC, to Garcia Hospital, which is not to far from AUFMC. Furthermore, the patient is not toxic; he just went there for CT Stonogram.

Upon coming back, I resumed my post as being the overall, Go-To PGI in the ER, not limited to my Dept of Surgery, but that of Internal Medicine, and sometimes Pediatrics. So there I was, right smack in the middle of things, as i was greeted with a moderate amount of patients in the ER. All good. Survived. For the most part. Then came my ultimate boss, Dra. Labrador where her friend had a laceration on his left foot, just between his second and third digits; since I'm just an intern, there is a limitation in what wounds I can suture, and his wound was beyond my level, and so my awesome resident took over, but I stayed behind to help in the suturing nonetheless, and that doesn't mean I am no longer the apple of they eye of Dra. Labrador, where she specifically told her friend to look for "Dr. Christian Udarbe" for changing his wound dressings the following day. Imagine that, I got one patient looking for me now.

Plus a commemorative photos to mark the event! I'm the semi bald guy with glasses, golden finish steth, second from the right of the front row. 

When things settled down a bit,  I chattered away with my nurse friends in the ER, to my residents, and to my fellow interns, and just having a blast during that grace period when there were no patients. We decided to buy burgers at Mickey D's and had to give a share, strangely, I was only asked to five pesos... And I got a cheese burger.

This was the best five pesos I ever spent.

When the wave of patients resumed, I immediately received 3 patients simultaneously that were quite interesting, and literally hands on; one is of a little girl that was playing with a bearing and got it stuck on her 3rd digit of her right hand. Her parents tried the old remedies such as soap, oil, and whatnot, but to no avail, thus, we called for the big guns, er, tools; it was workshop all over again. Second was a chicken bone dislodged in the patient's right tonsil; when he complained of swallowing a bone and feeling of a foreign body, I thought. I had to refer to an ENT, but on inspection, I was surprised it was so clearly seen in dislodged in the tonsil that was easily removed with the proper instruments.

Then it quieted down again, and it was at this point where I was tasked to remove an IV cutdown; a first for me, and thankfully it wasn't as difficult I thought it would be. Still, albeit, being easy,  being a first, it was a scary yet fun and worthwhile experience for me.

Finally, the last patient I saw on the duty was a burn patient. Thankfully, the calculated TBSA using the rule of nines rounded off to less than 3 percent, and being a first degree burn by a steaming pipe and not an electrical burn lr anything of the like, patient was treated as an out patient, where the wound was cleaned and silver sulfadiazine was applied.

I must say, it was one of the duties to remember in part due to the plethora of cases and tasks. It was not repetitive, thus, it didn't get boring, fast. Though, it kinda did get me tired. Wow, me saying I got tired in a duty is a rarity; even if I get toxic, I would never say I am tired. But here we are...

Anyway, that's what had unfolded during my 24 hour tour of duty. One for the books.

Til next time!


Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Late at Night When All the World...

Lately, I have been having these bouts of insomnia, not because I am busy with hospital duty or studying my sanity off, but I am at a phase of my life where I got out of a pseudo relationship where Ithought  would last this time around.

If you have been following my posts before, one would note that I was happily and exclusively dating this nurse I met during my Junior Medical Internship last school year. And if you've known me since high school, one would further note that I was one of those hopeless romantics who falls in love madly and falls away just as quickly. With that being said, as time passes on and as one matures, one no longer plays around and starts thinkig seriously about commitment and possibly his or her future with a significant other.

Thus, when I decided to court this nurse, I thought that this is it, she is the one, no longer will I subject myself to going through courting a girl ever again. But like all good things, they must sadly come to a certain end... No matter how perfect it may be.

I will not give off information as to why I decided to leave and no longer date her, simply put, she was not on the same page as me in terms of commitment. Simply put... She was not ready. Other factors apart from that accumulated thus leading me to decide, though with so much doubt that this would be best, to just leave her. And with everything stacking up, I decided to really leave. Though it hurts, I know it will hurt more, the longer I stay.

3 weeks into leaving, I have this bipolar nature wherein I go "Okay, time to put the hammer down, work hard, study hard, and show her what she is missing..." And then I go to a phase where I go "Did I just screw up?". Depression then looms and I begin to think further that maybe, I am the only one sulking, that maybe, she is not feeling as bad as I am about what had tarnspired; that her life will go on the way it was, happily, unaffected, by my leaving. A shout out to girls, some guys do feel bad when they leave a girl or when a girl leaves them. Not all guys get over these things with a drink or two... It lingers.

Have I made a mistake? Depends on my mood... When I am happy, I made the best decision, otherwise when I am all depressed, I feel I should have stayed. But like what I said earlier, I knew in my heart, the longer I stayed, the more I get hurt. And from Shindou Chihiro, "I want to break up while I can still say I love you." was exactly how I would want to end this pseudo relationship.

Maybe one day, we'd get back together when she is ready, when my heart stops breaking, and when we both are finally more mature, but somehow, I don't see it happening. I know I will still be in this slump for a little longer, but it's because this meant something to me and was taken for granted. You'd expect us guys to do this to girls, but not the other way around.

Just have to take this day by day, become a better doctor not to hurt her and make her realize her loss, but for me... For my patients. Use these negative emotions for positive outcomes. How long will I sulk? Probably longer than I can imagine, but when that time come that I will recover completely, I hope me and that nurse will be able to grab a cup of coffee with no awkwardness between us, look back and reminisce, on what sure made the both of us happy...

Monday, 21 July 2014

Blog on the Go: Holy Cow!

Talk about a strange twist of events, what started out as a nice benign day, is turning out to become toxic, albeit, nowhere near the end of my duty. Sure, my department, surgery, is nit that toxic, but the deparments of both IM and pediatrics are having quite the party.

I was nearly becomig the Avatar, wherein the departments are analogous to the 4 elements; I was the Senior Intern of surgery, internal medicine, and pediatrics... The only thing missing is OB-GYNE. Not that I really want to be affiliated with that department yet. It is thrilling, and somehow,  i strive under these toxicities. To think handling 3 different departments that are worlds apart that I could still be able to make diagnoses, give out therapeutics, etc., that are still within the accepted clinical practices definitely elates me.

Now, here's hoping everything will calm down from here on out, but still ready for whatever action may come.

So, here we go!!


Sunday, 20 July 2014

Blog on the Go: First!

An auspicious moment indeed! This is the first official blog post I will publish outside the confines of the four bland corners of what is sait to be my room.

I am on duty here in Angeles Univeristy Foundation Medical Center under the Department of Surgery, what is supposed to be a benign rotation, but as always is the case with little ol' me, I can still make it toxic in spite of what other people say about this department. Just a disclaimer, not all departments of surgery in different hospitals are benign; as we all know, it is a bloody specialty, but it becomes ever more so toxic in public hospitals, and a lot less in private hospitals, as such is my case.

Surgery, as I have mentioned time and again in the past, is my first love; even if we drift apart every so often, I still find myself longing for my first love. However, I am falling madly in love with Internal Medicine, specifically, Cardiology, and I think this love is for real. I am still young, and I am still in the early phases of my career; heck! I don't have a license just yet! Thus, my fickle mind can go on being fickle until I pass my boards about what specialty I would take.

Much as I enjoyed my stay at Departmen of Internal Medicine in the first 2 months of my Senior Internship, I am having a blast here at surgery. The residents are just as cool as my rsident in internal medicine, plus being my first love, making the transition from medicine to surgery was a breeze.

Well, as nearly half my duty is almost done today, everything seems to be all nice and benign (gasp! I might have jinxed the duty!). I'm surrounded by my ER nurse pals, my favorite residents, and my co interns, so I'm gonna have a blast tonight alright!

With that I end this post...


Blogging on the go...

So wow, I just found out that there is an app for Blogger. Talk about, where have I been all this time? Oh wait, I am in the hospital to fulfill my duties as a senior medical intern, thus why I all but abandoned my Blogger account; in fact I just found out I have 3 posts on draft... I might get myself to finish them, or at least my tribute for my 4 years in medical school so I can publish it. Time will tell.

For tomorrow, I will be on duty yet again in the hospital, but I will try and blog my first real blog outside the confines of my home. Yes, I may be blogging with the app on my iPad right now, but I am currently tucked in my bed at home. Tomorrow will be the first official blog on the road! Quite excited! Now I can write again... It has been eons since I have written for my blog, for a school paper, for a local paper, for anything, and my skills as a journalist is gradually dissipating. Such a shame because it took years for me to define my style of writing and now I can't seem to link words together like I used to when I was younger and certainly more of an avid writer.

Anyways, even though my career path is not that on the media, I can still write medical related articles in the future. And what is the best way for me to get my creativity back in writing than to get back into active blogging. Now... Here's to happy blogging once again!